My Un-Green Thumb

Well, I'm thinking of trying my hand at gardening this year. We've had a fun start, me & the kids: pulling/digging weeds, planting bulbs (47 in one afternoon) and watering the new plants...well, I use "watering" loosely, as E&E have actually been using the watering can as their personal swimming hole. They have been sharing the love with mommy too, bringing water to my legs and neck and smearing it on...I told them I'll just pretend I'm at the beach. :) Anyway, Ethan loves to push the wheelbarrow that's "just his size" - and it holds all of the kids' garden tools and any toys that happen to join us.

My little helpers' garden tools

The thought of gardening is so exciting to me! I love, love, love flowers. My un-green thumb, however, has sabotaged many gardening ventures till now. Most of my past attempts at keeping green things alive have been blunders, flops, failures...but I'm optimistic. (Thanks to some hardy perennials in our landscaping beds, planted 2 years ago and still going strong.) With those as a visual pat-on-the-back, I'm determined to try again with a new philosophy - God makes things grow, not me. Yes, I will have to put in a little effort for planting and tending (which I'll hopefully remember...maybe if I set a daily/weekly reminder on my phone?) But it's really not about me or my abilities at all. (Thank goodness.)

Our landscaping bed...my visual "pat-on-the-back" :)

Hopefully, in the next few weeks, we'll see several lilies (Strawberry Fields Forever, Stargazer and Oriental "Lake Carey"), Gladiolus, Lily of the Valley, Cannas, Aquilegia (hummingbird flowers), "Lucky Number" Dahlias, and Freesias start to bloom. We've been enjoying Clematis, Rhododendron, and Creeping Phlox for a few weeks now. Even my Azaleas are starting to show some color. So exciting! Here are some pics of my pretty blooms:

I'm feeling successful so far. Soooo, at some point, I'm even hoping to try out a strawberry plant and a few vegetables too...maybe square-foot gardening. Will it work out??? Like I said, I'm optimistic.

On that note, I believe that my optimism (aka hope) is part of why this whole gardening process appeals to me (a self-professed control freak). It allows me to experience faith, because I CAN'T CONTROL IT! I can hope for it, and I can take it so far, but only God can make the flowers bloom. And that gives me peace somehow.

Reflection...
I am so glad to see God's amazing creation and watch Him sustain life on our planet. Each new bloom is a miracle of life! I am doubly blessed to be able to share this beauty with my own little miracles...our small garden is providing yet another opportunity to teach them about God's design, and about our responsibility in caring for His creation. And as we watch our garden bloom, I get to watch my babies bloom too!

My children are my own little seedlings, and while I hope on their behalf and tend them as best I can, it will be God who makes them bloom. I am encouraged by Philippians 1:6, which says, "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." And as I work with the soil, my faith is being strengthened for my daily task as a mother, because I am not the one in control. And, again, that gives me peace.

The Green Scissors

So Ethan got a pair of green safety scissors a few weeks ago. He's been begging me to use them anytime scissors are called for - snipping tags off of new clothes, cutting open packages, doing crafts, etc. On top of the fact that scissor skills have been his big accomplishment at preschool, these scissors are not only "just his size," but they are also GREEN! BTW, This child is obsessive about the color green, (and I'll confess to aiding the obsession by buying green clothes, shoes, toys, paint for his room, cups, underwear, everything green...it's cute and it makes him happy, right?)

But back to the scissors.

We were planning to open a couple of race car packages, and so Ethan says, "I know what we should use..." and out come the green scissors, which he loves! I see him carrying the scissors with proper safety measures: cutting end tucked safely in palm, walking not running, meticulously CAREFUL. (They're safety scissors, on top of that!) In the meantime, I am distracted by little sister who is ready for breakfast. I put her in the highchair and give her some grub. Then, I look back at Ethan - standing with green scissors in hand, over my new gingham kitchen towel (straight from a cute boutique just a couple of weeks ago) which has been hanging nicely on the oven handle. Needless to say, I scream.

"ETHAN! NOOO! What are you doing???" Yank scissors from hand. Slap scissors on counter. Breathe.

I turn around to the saddest little eyes, welling up with tears. "I don't want my scissors any-mo," he proclaims, accompanied by sorrowful cries. Man, did I feel like a bad mom. All that over a little towel?

After apologizing for yelling and making the excuse that the towel was my favorite, I explained that we don't cut things around the house, only paper. I told him I knew he loved his green scissors, and that he would be able to use them again, but only to cut paper. "I don't want to cut any-sing," he said. My heart sank. I had overreacted and crushed his little spirit. Kneeling down, I pulled him into my arms and told him it was okay, it was no big deal, we would forget about the silly towel. "Do we have to swowe it away?" he asked. I had to smile - even in his grief, he was thinking about me. He was concerned about my feelings at the "loss" of the towel, and I was touched. I wiped the tears still streaming down his cheeks and told him that we would keep the towel and it would be alright. I think he asked if we could tape it...

Sweet, yes. Tape, oh no, not another office supply...Who knows what kind of sticky situation he could get into with tape! :)

Reflection
Based on the green scissors incident, I have come away with two challenges for myself: 1)Do not overreact! (I tend to do this especially when I am in a hurry or feeling stressed, and I MUST get this under control) and 2)Gently give guidance as I cultivate my children's skills and talents as they are easily crushed.

It has been on my heart for some time to foster a gentle & quiet spirit, described in 1 Peter 3:4. And seeing how my ugliness hurt my child reminds me of the importance of shaping my attitude to be more like that of Christ, who demonstrated humility and readiness to forgive even in the most trying situations. Also 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love is not easily angered. Am I living in a way that speaks love (as God describes it) to my family? And as if that wasn't clear enouggh, Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4 spell out that a parent's role is to encourage and not to crush. On top of it all, I have a God who has been so patient and forgiving with me; how could I not show the same love and patience to my children for simple mistakes? So the challenge is on...Thank goodness He's still working on me!

Nothing Can Separate You From My Love

"I don't like you anymore!"

OUCH - Hard words to hear from my three-year-old son, Ethan. I knew it would inevitably happen at some point...but as he told me this for the first time earlier tonight after receiving a spanking for disobeying Mommy, I was crushed. Was this the same boy who, that very same day, brought me flower after flower to tell me he loved me and to make me feel special ("feshal" as he says it)??? The same boy who gives me triple kisses every day and night because he's "so glad God gave me to him and Evie as his mommy"???
Trying not to let the shock show on my face, I replied softly, "Ethan, I'm sorry you feel that way right now, but no matter what you say or do, I will always love you very much." And I walked across the room to sit down (and feel sad that this day had arrived so soon!)
He repeated himself several times, in between his tears, and then looking up, he noticed that I had walked away. He asked me, "Mommy, why are you going over there?" I had to tell him that his words hurt Mommy, because they are not kind words you say to someone you love. And I had left so I wouldn't hear those words anymore.
Sensing he was ready to resolve our conflict, I asked why he had said he didn't like me, and he told me that he didn't like spankings and I had hurt his feelings by spanking him. "Spankins make me sad," he said.
"It makes me sad to have to spank you, too, Buddy," I responded. As usual, I followed up with the reasoning that his spanking was his choice, and by disobeying Mommy, he was choosing to have a spanking (as the known punishment for disobedience in our house).

With that, the exchange was over. I was loved, and liked, again.

Looking back at the evening, I realized that even in his sadness, he needed to know that I was nearby. He needed that reassurance that what I said was true - I would always love him no matter what. Feeling hurt and vulnerable, he lashed out with words that hit me in the chest - straight to the heart. But even when he "didn't like me anymore," he still needed to know that I was there and listening, and that neither distance nor punishment could separate him from my love.


Going Deeper...
It seems to me that a mother's love is a reflection of God's love, as it is written in Romans 8:35-39.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?...I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Just like a child, we too need to know that God is there and listening, and that He will always love us no matter what. The Word is clear about the Father's love, so if you're feeling distant from God, check it out and find resolution and reassurance.