Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wow! Is It That Late Already?

I seem to get sucked into projects far too easily...Tonight it was organizing meeting notes for Camp Wabashi, but it very well could have been Sonshine School director's duties, or Bible class prep work - I stay up afterhours for them all...

What can I say? I'm in the zone, and all else (including sleep) falls to the wayside. Yes, sleep (as this crazy late hour suggests), play, human interaction, and of course housework. It's like I just forget them all. For the record, housework seems to be at the top of my list for things I'm willing to neglect for the sake of a new project. But neglecting sleep, it's just because night is the only quiet time in this house - I actually enjoy sleep. However, I think I thrive on "project adrenaline." I just keep going. I even feel a little depressed, no that's not the word, disconnected maybe, or just unsuccessful perhaps, when I don't have another project to tackle.

While I love being a stay-at-home mom, I miss that connection to the outside adult world - I miss being patted on the back for a job well done, or being challenged by a new situation, or developing a different side of me. And the projects, unending and somewhat disruptive to the life that my husband would like to live, well, the projects fill in the gaps and provide that connection that I sometimes feel is missing from my child-oriented lifestyle.

I feel a little silly admitting these feelings, because I know I am very blessed to be able to stay home with my babies - and I wouldn't want it any other way.

While I may not get a pat on the back, I will most definitely get a slobbery kiss everyday for a mommy moment well done. And I am certainly challenged each patience and kindness, and in on-the-spot parenting situations, like what is that brown lump on the bathroom floor? (Ha ha ha, I'm potty-training my son, can you tell?) I guess I'm even developing a different side of me - the nurturing side and maybe the cleaning side a little (I didn't know that side of me existed!) If I think about it, I do have adult connection each week too, with morning playdays and evening outings for exercise or pampering or time with girlfriends. Sometimes I just need a reminder, a reality check. I am blessed and my reality is pretty good. Yes, upon reflection, there's nothing missing...well, except sleep!